It seems like that is the time of life that I'm in. Learning to trust more, and pray more, but sometimes not getting the results that I want. Why is that?
There are numerous answers to that question. It isn't God's will. It isn't God's timing. Fill in any other reason that you want here.
I've come to realize though that sometimes I ask for things that, although I want them and they seem good at the time, might not benefit me at all. There are some big things I have asked God for over the last few years. (And by few I may mean closer to 10.) And I haven't seen them happen.
I get discouraged by my unanswered prayers. But I wonder if in some of these situations it's because I'm begging for something to fill a temporary need, instead of asking God to take care of my underlying condition.
Recently I have been studying the book of John while reading a bible study by Beth Moore entitled The Beloved Disciple. I love these studies, because they help me look at things from a different perspective than I ever would have come up with on my own.
Sometimes while I'm reading things just hit me differently than others. Today was one of those days.
"We want a Holy Enabler. God wants to be out Healer. Have you ever begged for something that in retrospect you realize would have done nothing but help keep you in your crippled condition? I sure have!" - The Beloved Disciple, Beth Moore
This was in a section discussing when Peter healed a beggar at the gate called Beautiful. The beggar was asking for all he knew how to ask for - money to help him survive. But God wanted to do something bigger in him. He wanted to heal him, so that he could run and leap and dance and praise God. That is so much better than just getting a few coins to live off of, don't you think?
I think we get caught up in our immediate needs and desires. We beg God for those. But we forget about our underlying needs, areas that God wants to be our Healer and show Himself to be much more powerful than we give Him credit for. We want Him to enable us to keep living life in the sate we're in, only happier, instead of wanting to have our real needs met and living a different, whole life.
The thing is, I don't want to ask for healing, I want to get a quick fix. I'm prideful. I don't want to admit I'm messed up. Then I'm ashamed that I have something other than just a surface level want. That I need something much deeper. Then I wonder if God will come through. I mean, if I look at Him right in the face and ask for the deeper healing, what if He doesn't come through? He isn't answering my little prayers to just get me through my time of need or want, how can I trust that He will heal me?
And so I'm caught up in an intense mental battle, psyching myself out of asking for healing from my great God. My Healer.
I want so desperately to really understand God as Jehovah-Rapha, my Healer. For Him to take care of the deep needs, so that the temporary surface level needs are no longer an issue. To be free to jump and leap and dance and praise Him for what He has done, not just make it through another day.
