Risky Business: Overcoming Fear

You say jump to arms wide open
I am scared but I am willing
Blessed is the one,
Blessed is the one who trusts in You
-Blessed is the One, Daniel Doss Band

Last night I overcame a fear. A small, irrational fear, but a fear nonetheless.

Since I was 15 I have been dancing in various forms and styles. It started with a dance team that was closer to cheer dance, and then transitioned to tap, ballet, jazz, and eventually modern. Then a few years ago I was introduced to Zumba.

Now zumba was like nothing I had ever done before. Mainly because the dance programs I was involved in were Christian based, and pretty strict. We were taught that you don't use your hips. Ever. My friends and I would even joke that dancing with your hips was straight from the devil.

So when I started zumba, it took some getting used to. Obviously if you're going to do latin dance of any form, you'll have to use your hips.

I have gotten more comfortable with that, and really enjoy my class. Our teacher, Alex, has been trying to get me to go on stage to dance with her for a while now. Others do it all the time. Without a care, and without worrying about getting the steps right or everyone watching or looking ridiculous.

But after a little bet with someone else in the class, last night was my night to go on stage, and I was nervous to say the least.

Based on my life experience I shouldn't have been. I have have live many of the past years on the stage through dance recitals, teaching, coaching, and speaking to groups of people. I've been dancing long enough to feel confident in the steps I would have to do. I love to dance. and I kind of love to be on stage in other situations.

I told you it was an irrational fear.

But based on what I had been told when I was younger, I felt awkward having anyone look at me while I was dancing in this form of dance. No one should see me use my hips if it is dance that's from the devil, right?

But the time came, and I did it. And you know what? It wasn't that bad. Sure, it was weird. But I realized that I could dance up there, enjoy it, and no one was judging me. Or if they were they didn't let on.

I get that way too often. Something in my past makes me fear something that I have to do in the present. It creates fear. Sometimes small, sometimes big. Usually irrational.

The quote above is from a song I love. I feel so many times that God is asking me to do something, to just trust in Him, but I am scared to do it. To take an all out flying leap into His arms. Some little experience in my past comes back to haunt me and make me afraid. The thing is that the situation that is affecting me typically involved someone else letting me down, never God letting me down.

I can look back through my life at the times God said, "JUMP!" and He never once let me fall. I may not have ended up where I thought I would, but I never was hurt through what He wanted.

Sometimes my experiences create irrational fears, like being afraid to do zumba on a stage, or thinking that God won't come through for me. It's in those times that I have to be brave. I have to be willing to challenge the fears in my head and my heart and remind myself of what the truth is. I can dance on stage because I'm a dancer, I love to dance, I know the steps, and I'm not afraid of people. I can trust God because He is faithful, trustworthy, never lets me down, and wants what's best for my life.

Risky Business Pt. 2: Courage

Do you remember about 15 years ago when Ty Beanie Babies were super cool? Everyone just wanted to get their hands on one of the rare and valuable little animals, in hopes of one day making some money by selling it to someone more obsessed with these creatures than they were. Or maybe they just wanted to have the prestige of owning a rare collectible. Oddly enough, I don't think things turned out quite the way people expected in regards to return for their investment in these cute little bags of beans.

In spite of that, one Beanie Baby in particular holds special value for me, even though no on would pay a bunch of money for it. (In fact I think it might be worth around $5 now.) It is Roary the lion, and it was given to me by my father.

I can't remember the specific year, but there was a time that my dad went away on a business trip for about a week. This wasn't very common, but when he did go out of town without us, he would always bring us some small little treat. This time it was a Beanie Baby, because he knew how much we loved them.

As he was getting ready to give each of us our little treasure, he told us that these weren't just things that he bought without reason. He picked out a specific prize for each of us after having spent a week praying for us individually. As he gave each of us our toy, he told us a Bible verse that he felt God wanted us to hear.

And so after giving my brother his prize (he after all is younger and should go first) he came to me, and began to read a set of verses that have stuck with me ever since.

Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:7-9)

At that point in life I don't think I had any idea what it felt like to be terrified. Sure, I had felt discouragement, but nothing profound. But I listened to my father, and knowing he spoke in wisdom, I treasured his words.

He reminded me that there would be times in life that I would be afraid, so afraid that I might feel paralyzed. There would be times I would be discouraged, and feel hopeless. But he shared with me a vital truth: there is a way out, no matter what. God is with you always, everywhere, in every situation.

He pointed out the part of the verses that talk about meditating on the Word of God, and told me that was the key to success. Not just reading the Bible, but spending time with God. And if I would do that, even when the bad times would come, I could make it through anything.

I held on to those words, and the promises that my dad told me. So much so that when I was older and remembered what he told me I started to really look at Joshua's life.

Do you know what I discovered? Joshua was the guy that got to bring the Israelites into the promised land. But being the successor of Moses he had some pretty big shoes to fill. He had some pretty huge battles to fight. In fact, the first half of the book of Joshua reads more like a series of war stories than anything else. Then he had to be the guy to divide up the land amongst the people. (And knowing how selfish and demanding we are as people, I'm betting that was the least fun job of all.)

And so at the beginning of his time of leadership, God gave him a command. "Be strong and courageous." But he didn't just give it to him once. Nope, he told him over and over. Five times. And that was just as he was getting started. I think God knew that Joshua would feel like it was a big risk to do some of the things God was calling him to do. That there was a chance of failure, and that his failure wouldn't just affect himself, but all of his people.

Joshua internalized the words God had spoken, and even repeated them to his people. I wonder if Joshua repeated them not only for the people's sake, knowing they would be heading into some intense battles in the future, but also to remind himself of what God had told him. I wonder how many times he was in battle, or viewing an enemy for the first time, or dealing with the people he was leading, and thought to himself, "Be strong and courageous. God's got this one. He told you he wouldn't leave you. C'mon man, get it together! Be strong. Courageous. God's got your back."

Throughout my life I've had a lot of experiences in which I've had to remind myself to be strong and courageous. To be willing to act even when I'm afraid. To trust that God is there with me always, even when I am discouraged or terrified. When I can't figure out the outcome on my own. When logic just isn't enough to figure out how to respond in a difficult situation. When I'm leading people that I have no idea how to lead.

I've learned that courage is not the absence of fear. Instead it is the willingness to act in spite of fear. Joshua got that down. I only hope that I'm heading toward a life that is full of courage as I face my everyday fears, big or small.

What are the areas in your life that you need to be courageous? Areas in which you need to find strength in God to be able to act in spite of fear?

Risky Business

There I was. Palms sweating. Heart racing. Why had I agreed to do this again? Oh, right. My friends talked me into it. “It'll be fun!” they said. “Don't be scared!” they said. They even gave me a little verbal push by telling me, “It's really not that bad, no big deal!” Right.

There I stood, on the top of what amounted to a single telephone pole, deciding whether or not I would jump to what I assumed would be an early death. “Fifteen is too young to die,” is all that was running through my head. Well, that and the thought that if I lived I might seriously injure my friends that had talked me into this in the first place.

It was my first experience with what is known as a high-ropes course. You know, the kind of place where you climb rock walls and walk across cables and do things that would ordinarily never be possible because of safety issues, all because you're strapped into a harness. The idea being if you start to fall to your death, the person on the ground holding on to you can stop your fall.

That wasn't a very comforting thought to me though. Standing 60 feet in the air on a pole that barely held my little size 6 feet I was terrified.

Could I actually do this? Jump and trust that this harness that was strapped onto me by some college student would actually hold?

In an instant, something clicked in my head. I don't know what triggered it. Suddenly it occurred to me that if I didn't jump I'd probably regret it. And on top of the regret, I'd have to climb back down this giant death pole (the climb up not being the highlight of my life).

So I started to try to convince myself I could do this. I had friends on the ground cheering for me. Yelling encouraging words. Telling me I wouldn't die.

In the next instant my mind took it's own leap. Instead of just stepping off this pole, experiencing a free fall until I could put my feet on solid ground, why not make the most of it. Why not jump as far and hard as I could? Why not try to jump out to the little trapeze type pole that they challenged people to reach? Why not just go all out?

Then it happened. I jumped. I mean, I really jumped. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I'm sure my blood curdling scream could be hear a state away. But it was also one of the most liberating and exhilarating experiences of my 15 year old life.

I had conquered a fear.

The rest of the time at the ropes course was a series of liberating moments, chances to continually overcome my fear of heights, opportunities to be the one that led the way.

At that point I didn't realize how much that situation would happen over and over again in my life. No, not overcoming the fear of heights, but the fear to jump. The fear to let go and trust.

The fear that I felt that day rears it's ugly head nearly every day, in situations in which I wouldn't expect it to be present.

And every single day I have a choice. Will I jump? Will I take the risk of failing, or falling, or dying in some aspect of my life? Will I listen to the people who are encouraging me, helping me along, or will I give in to the nagging voice in my head that tells me it isn't worth it?